Perhaps the most poignant moments in my military life have been the ones of weakness.
There are many, many moments of frustration, pride, excitement...but those moments of weakness seem to come back and define me as a spouse. (At least to myself.)
Have you had those weak moments? I think we all do at one point or another. You know the one:
You're sitting in bed for the 77th night in a row...alone. That song comes on the radio again- the one about the injured soldier- and you find yourself wanting to stab the radio in frustration. Don't these people know you're alone?! Why would they play that song AGAIN?! Sometimes you think they're just trying to torture you. Deep down, you know that's not true...but it feels that way today. What if he comes home in pieces....or not at all?
If you don't suffer from times of fear and doubt every now and then, I salute you. I'd also like to know your secret. My friends and I talk about these moments every now and then (usually right after one of us has had one). Our conclusion?
These moments of weakness are sent to remind us that we are only as strong individually as we are together.
How do you handle your weak moments?
6/22/10
6/12/10
Transition
The bane of military life? Maybe.
Tranisition comes for all of us in this business. It comes at great times; it sneaks up on us at 3 AM. Every time it comes, it wears a different face. Sometimes a move, sometimes a deployment. A school change, a new command, a news state.
Sometimes it's just a transition in our relationship with our warrior.
I occasionally wonder how other people handle these changes. Family resiliency instructors teach us about the cycle of deployment:
Stage 1 – Anticipation of Departure
Stage 2 – Detachment and Withdrawal
Stage 3 – Emotional Disorganization
Stage 4 – Recovery and Stabilization
Stage 5 – Anticipation of Return
Stage 6 – Return Adjustment and Renegotiation
Stage 7 – Reintegration and Stabilization
It's return adjustment and renegotiation that concerns me most.
How many of us have done this:
Homecoming is over. The kids are back in school, DH is back at work and we are all holding together pretty well. It's so great to have him home. I didn't miss the way he throws his dirty laundry everywhere, though. I'll have to talk to him about that. And the way he snores...oh my goodness, he'll keep you up all night. He leaves the cap off of the toothpaste, too. That's so annoying.
I wonder if he has even paid attention to how great everything looks; how hard I worked while he was gone. I bet he didn't even notice that there were no weeds in the flowerbed. Maybe I'll just keep on doing the yardwork...he never really does it right, anyway. It's just another excuse for him to be outside away from us. Now that I think about it, he's been away from us a lot since he got back. He always seems to be heading out with the boys or mowing our grass or something so he's not in the house with me.
Maybe we're not adjusting so well after all.
Anyone?
Familiar notes stream through that little song every time I hear it. Coming home is no joke, my friends. Sometimes it's harder than leaving. Think for a moment: are you the same person you were six months ago? Is your warrior? And finally:
Should you expect them to be?
I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Tranisition comes for all of us in this business. It comes at great times; it sneaks up on us at 3 AM. Every time it comes, it wears a different face. Sometimes a move, sometimes a deployment. A school change, a new command, a news state.
Sometimes it's just a transition in our relationship with our warrior.
I occasionally wonder how other people handle these changes. Family resiliency instructors teach us about the cycle of deployment:
Stage 1 – Anticipation of Departure
Stage 2 – Detachment and Withdrawal
Stage 3 – Emotional Disorganization
Stage 4 – Recovery and Stabilization
Stage 5 – Anticipation of Return
Stage 6 – Return Adjustment and Renegotiation
Stage 7 – Reintegration and Stabilization
It's return adjustment and renegotiation that concerns me most.
How many of us have done this:
Homecoming is over. The kids are back in school, DH is back at work and we are all holding together pretty well. It's so great to have him home. I didn't miss the way he throws his dirty laundry everywhere, though. I'll have to talk to him about that. And the way he snores...oh my goodness, he'll keep you up all night. He leaves the cap off of the toothpaste, too. That's so annoying.
I wonder if he has even paid attention to how great everything looks; how hard I worked while he was gone. I bet he didn't even notice that there were no weeds in the flowerbed. Maybe I'll just keep on doing the yardwork...he never really does it right, anyway. It's just another excuse for him to be outside away from us. Now that I think about it, he's been away from us a lot since he got back. He always seems to be heading out with the boys or mowing our grass or something so he's not in the house with me.
Maybe we're not adjusting so well after all.
Anyone?
Familiar notes stream through that little song every time I hear it. Coming home is no joke, my friends. Sometimes it's harder than leaving. Think for a moment: are you the same person you were six months ago? Is your warrior? And finally:
Should you expect them to be?
I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
6/4/10
See A Penny, Pick It Up
There's this old saying that goes 'See a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck!'
Well, I've been picking up pennies for a few days now because life at my house has been crazy. And I mean:
CRAY-ZAY.
I've been attending a Family Wellness Symposium for the last two days and have come away with a massive load of new and pertinent information for ALL the services. I can't wait to do blog after blog after blog about all the great people I met and information I found.
As a precursor to that, I'd like to tell you a little bit about the hot topic of the week:
resiliency.
What IS resiliency?! What does it mean? Is it an action? An emotion?
The answer is: YES!
It's a ton of things all wrapped together. An effective definition of resiliency is the ability to revert to original size and shape after being stretched, squeezed, or twisted (or at least that's what Webster says, and I believe them)! Doesn't that sound like our lifestyle?! As military families, we're stretched thin, twisted around, squeezed into uncomfartable situations and yet, we manage to effectively bounce back.
So now that we know what resiliency is, how do we get it?
This week, we've talked about that. All the best minds in my part of the military community have put their heads together and come up with a few ideas. We think that resiliency is developed, not born in. It's caused by repeated exposure to stress and the willingness to find a coping mechanism that works for you. For example:
My family has been through more deployments than I am comfortable talking about. (Ha!) After the first one, we were a mess. After the second one, we sort-of-kind-of had an idea of how bad the stink factor would be. After the third, we developed a plan. After the fourth, we realized that the plan worked...and so on.
Our resiliency was non-existent during our first deployment. We had never been tested, we didn't know what worked for us. It's was something that we had to learn...a trial by fire, if you will. Our first 'trial' was a complete and total science fair. (That is to say, a MESS.) It improved progressively until this very day when, as a stare down the barrel of any future deployment, I can say that while I may not like it, I got this. I may hate it, but I can cope.
I learned my resiliency by trial through fire. How did your family learn theirs? What works for you? Tell me about it!
Well, I've been picking up pennies for a few days now because life at my house has been crazy. And I mean:
CRAY-ZAY.
I've been attending a Family Wellness Symposium for the last two days and have come away with a massive load of new and pertinent information for ALL the services. I can't wait to do blog after blog after blog about all the great people I met and information I found.
As a precursor to that, I'd like to tell you a little bit about the hot topic of the week:
resiliency.
What IS resiliency?! What does it mean? Is it an action? An emotion?
The answer is: YES!
It's a ton of things all wrapped together. An effective definition of resiliency is the ability to revert to original size and shape after being stretched, squeezed, or twisted (or at least that's what Webster says, and I believe them)! Doesn't that sound like our lifestyle?! As military families, we're stretched thin, twisted around, squeezed into uncomfartable situations and yet, we manage to effectively bounce back.
So now that we know what resiliency is, how do we get it?
This week, we've talked about that. All the best minds in my part of the military community have put their heads together and come up with a few ideas. We think that resiliency is developed, not born in. It's caused by repeated exposure to stress and the willingness to find a coping mechanism that works for you. For example:
My family has been through more deployments than I am comfortable talking about. (Ha!) After the first one, we were a mess. After the second one, we sort-of-kind-of had an idea of how bad the stink factor would be. After the third, we developed a plan. After the fourth, we realized that the plan worked...and so on.
Our resiliency was non-existent during our first deployment. We had never been tested, we didn't know what worked for us. It's was something that we had to learn...a trial by fire, if you will. Our first 'trial' was a complete and total science fair. (That is to say, a MESS.) It improved progressively until this very day when, as a stare down the barrel of any future deployment, I can say that while I may not like it, I got this. I may hate it, but I can cope.
I learned my resiliency by trial through fire. How did your family learn theirs? What works for you? Tell me about it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)