There's this old saying that goes 'See a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck!'
Well, I've been picking up pennies for a few days now because life at my house has been crazy. And I mean:
CRAY-ZAY.
I've been attending a Family Wellness Symposium for the last two days and have come away with a massive load of new and pertinent information for ALL the services. I can't wait to do blog after blog after blog about all the great people I met and information I found.
As a precursor to that, I'd like to tell you a little bit about the hot topic of the week:
resiliency.
What IS resiliency?! What does it mean? Is it an action? An emotion?
The answer is: YES!
It's a ton of things all wrapped together. An effective definition of resiliency is the ability to revert to original size and shape after being stretched, squeezed, or twisted (or at least that's what Webster says, and I believe them)! Doesn't that sound like our lifestyle?! As military families, we're stretched thin, twisted around, squeezed into uncomfartable situations and yet, we manage to effectively bounce back.
So now that we know what resiliency is, how do we get it?
This week, we've talked about that. All the best minds in my part of the military community have put their heads together and come up with a few ideas. We think that resiliency is developed, not born in. It's caused by repeated exposure to stress and the willingness to find a coping mechanism that works for you. For example:
My family has been through more deployments than I am comfortable talking about. (Ha!) After the first one, we were a mess. After the second one, we sort-of-kind-of had an idea of how bad the stink factor would be. After the third, we developed a plan. After the fourth, we realized that the plan worked...and so on.
Our resiliency was non-existent during our first deployment. We had never been tested, we didn't know what worked for us. It's was something that we had to learn...a trial by fire, if you will. Our first 'trial' was a complete and total science fair. (That is to say, a MESS.) It improved progressively until this very day when, as a stare down the barrel of any future deployment, I can say that while I may not like it, I got this. I may hate it, but I can cope.
I learned my resiliency by trial through fire. How did your family learn theirs? What works for you? Tell me about it!
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One of the best things the Army has started using is Master Resiliency Training (MRT...you know we need acronyms in our life like salt needs pepper). This program, geared towards senior non-commissioned officers, is primarily taught at the University of Pennsylvania but is branching out to Army posts. I have not met one Soldier who has attended this training (or heard about this training) who is not super impressed. Bottom line: if you or your Soldier get a chance to jump on the MRT boat, go for it!
ReplyDeleteOne of the things they discuss that my husband shared with me is the idea of icebergs. That is, we each have certain things that appear fine above the surface but deep down REALLY aggravate us. The hubby's brigade commander explained his... His father was a butcher, so knives had a special place in his world, and a special way of being handled. His wife, however, doesn't have that same background. He panics every time he sees her chopping different things with the same knife, etc. He's worried that his children (who are in middle school) will be cut as his wife points to things, and so on. It's his iceberg.
My husband recently asked me what my icebergs were. It was a great conversation tool for us - to discuss the things that get us down the most or frustrate/irritate us, or just plain rub us the wrong way. I thought I was free and clear of them until last week when I went off suddenly. We keep our back door open in the fall-spring to let our dog go in and out, especially since the weather's pretty mild. However, in the summer, the bugs flock to the lights in our home. I had killed a few moths that day, and I was livid at the fly I was chasing around the kitchen...particularly since I felt like I'd mentioned closing the door about 10 times in the last day (it was probably more like 3 times in the week, in my husband's defense). Anyway, it clicked with me - that was my iceberg. Explaining that to him diffused the situation big time! He makes an effort to close the door when he's grilling, and he realizes how much I hate bugs being inside (especially in my kitchen). And *I* was able to recognize the frustration and calm down at it. Funny how that works!
This wasn't my blog post but my note's long enough...I hope you put your finger on what your iceberg is, to help you face those frustrations more easily!