Perhaps the most poignant moments in my military life have been the ones of weakness.
There are many, many moments of frustration, pride, excitement...but those moments of weakness seem to come back and define me as a spouse. (At least to myself.)
Have you had those weak moments? I think we all do at one point or another. You know the one:
You're sitting in bed for the 77th night in a row...alone. That song comes on the radio again- the one about the injured soldier- and you find yourself wanting to stab the radio in frustration. Don't these people know you're alone?! Why would they play that song AGAIN?! Sometimes you think they're just trying to torture you. Deep down, you know that's not true...but it feels that way today. What if he comes home in pieces....or not at all?
If you don't suffer from times of fear and doubt every now and then, I salute you. I'd also like to know your secret. My friends and I talk about these moments every now and then (usually right after one of us has had one). Our conclusion?
These moments of weakness are sent to remind us that we are only as strong individually as we are together.
How do you handle your weak moments?
6/22/10
6/12/10
Transition
The bane of military life? Maybe.
Tranisition comes for all of us in this business. It comes at great times; it sneaks up on us at 3 AM. Every time it comes, it wears a different face. Sometimes a move, sometimes a deployment. A school change, a new command, a news state.
Sometimes it's just a transition in our relationship with our warrior.
I occasionally wonder how other people handle these changes. Family resiliency instructors teach us about the cycle of deployment:
Stage 1 – Anticipation of Departure
Stage 2 – Detachment and Withdrawal
Stage 3 – Emotional Disorganization
Stage 4 – Recovery and Stabilization
Stage 5 – Anticipation of Return
Stage 6 – Return Adjustment and Renegotiation
Stage 7 – Reintegration and Stabilization
It's return adjustment and renegotiation that concerns me most.
How many of us have done this:
Homecoming is over. The kids are back in school, DH is back at work and we are all holding together pretty well. It's so great to have him home. I didn't miss the way he throws his dirty laundry everywhere, though. I'll have to talk to him about that. And the way he snores...oh my goodness, he'll keep you up all night. He leaves the cap off of the toothpaste, too. That's so annoying.
I wonder if he has even paid attention to how great everything looks; how hard I worked while he was gone. I bet he didn't even notice that there were no weeds in the flowerbed. Maybe I'll just keep on doing the yardwork...he never really does it right, anyway. It's just another excuse for him to be outside away from us. Now that I think about it, he's been away from us a lot since he got back. He always seems to be heading out with the boys or mowing our grass or something so he's not in the house with me.
Maybe we're not adjusting so well after all.
Anyone?
Familiar notes stream through that little song every time I hear it. Coming home is no joke, my friends. Sometimes it's harder than leaving. Think for a moment: are you the same person you were six months ago? Is your warrior? And finally:
Should you expect them to be?
I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Tranisition comes for all of us in this business. It comes at great times; it sneaks up on us at 3 AM. Every time it comes, it wears a different face. Sometimes a move, sometimes a deployment. A school change, a new command, a news state.
Sometimes it's just a transition in our relationship with our warrior.
I occasionally wonder how other people handle these changes. Family resiliency instructors teach us about the cycle of deployment:
Stage 1 – Anticipation of Departure
Stage 2 – Detachment and Withdrawal
Stage 3 – Emotional Disorganization
Stage 4 – Recovery and Stabilization
Stage 5 – Anticipation of Return
Stage 6 – Return Adjustment and Renegotiation
Stage 7 – Reintegration and Stabilization
It's return adjustment and renegotiation that concerns me most.
How many of us have done this:
Homecoming is over. The kids are back in school, DH is back at work and we are all holding together pretty well. It's so great to have him home. I didn't miss the way he throws his dirty laundry everywhere, though. I'll have to talk to him about that. And the way he snores...oh my goodness, he'll keep you up all night. He leaves the cap off of the toothpaste, too. That's so annoying.
I wonder if he has even paid attention to how great everything looks; how hard I worked while he was gone. I bet he didn't even notice that there were no weeds in the flowerbed. Maybe I'll just keep on doing the yardwork...he never really does it right, anyway. It's just another excuse for him to be outside away from us. Now that I think about it, he's been away from us a lot since he got back. He always seems to be heading out with the boys or mowing our grass or something so he's not in the house with me.
Maybe we're not adjusting so well after all.
Anyone?
Familiar notes stream through that little song every time I hear it. Coming home is no joke, my friends. Sometimes it's harder than leaving. Think for a moment: are you the same person you were six months ago? Is your warrior? And finally:
Should you expect them to be?
I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
6/4/10
See A Penny, Pick It Up
There's this old saying that goes 'See a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck!'
Well, I've been picking up pennies for a few days now because life at my house has been crazy. And I mean:
CRAY-ZAY.
I've been attending a Family Wellness Symposium for the last two days and have come away with a massive load of new and pertinent information for ALL the services. I can't wait to do blog after blog after blog about all the great people I met and information I found.
As a precursor to that, I'd like to tell you a little bit about the hot topic of the week:
resiliency.
What IS resiliency?! What does it mean? Is it an action? An emotion?
The answer is: YES!
It's a ton of things all wrapped together. An effective definition of resiliency is the ability to revert to original size and shape after being stretched, squeezed, or twisted (or at least that's what Webster says, and I believe them)! Doesn't that sound like our lifestyle?! As military families, we're stretched thin, twisted around, squeezed into uncomfartable situations and yet, we manage to effectively bounce back.
So now that we know what resiliency is, how do we get it?
This week, we've talked about that. All the best minds in my part of the military community have put their heads together and come up with a few ideas. We think that resiliency is developed, not born in. It's caused by repeated exposure to stress and the willingness to find a coping mechanism that works for you. For example:
My family has been through more deployments than I am comfortable talking about. (Ha!) After the first one, we were a mess. After the second one, we sort-of-kind-of had an idea of how bad the stink factor would be. After the third, we developed a plan. After the fourth, we realized that the plan worked...and so on.
Our resiliency was non-existent during our first deployment. We had never been tested, we didn't know what worked for us. It's was something that we had to learn...a trial by fire, if you will. Our first 'trial' was a complete and total science fair. (That is to say, a MESS.) It improved progressively until this very day when, as a stare down the barrel of any future deployment, I can say that while I may not like it, I got this. I may hate it, but I can cope.
I learned my resiliency by trial through fire. How did your family learn theirs? What works for you? Tell me about it!
Well, I've been picking up pennies for a few days now because life at my house has been crazy. And I mean:
CRAY-ZAY.
I've been attending a Family Wellness Symposium for the last two days and have come away with a massive load of new and pertinent information for ALL the services. I can't wait to do blog after blog after blog about all the great people I met and information I found.
As a precursor to that, I'd like to tell you a little bit about the hot topic of the week:
resiliency.
What IS resiliency?! What does it mean? Is it an action? An emotion?
The answer is: YES!
It's a ton of things all wrapped together. An effective definition of resiliency is the ability to revert to original size and shape after being stretched, squeezed, or twisted (or at least that's what Webster says, and I believe them)! Doesn't that sound like our lifestyle?! As military families, we're stretched thin, twisted around, squeezed into uncomfartable situations and yet, we manage to effectively bounce back.
So now that we know what resiliency is, how do we get it?
This week, we've talked about that. All the best minds in my part of the military community have put their heads together and come up with a few ideas. We think that resiliency is developed, not born in. It's caused by repeated exposure to stress and the willingness to find a coping mechanism that works for you. For example:
My family has been through more deployments than I am comfortable talking about. (Ha!) After the first one, we were a mess. After the second one, we sort-of-kind-of had an idea of how bad the stink factor would be. After the third, we developed a plan. After the fourth, we realized that the plan worked...and so on.
Our resiliency was non-existent during our first deployment. We had never been tested, we didn't know what worked for us. It's was something that we had to learn...a trial by fire, if you will. Our first 'trial' was a complete and total science fair. (That is to say, a MESS.) It improved progressively until this very day when, as a stare down the barrel of any future deployment, I can say that while I may not like it, I got this. I may hate it, but I can cope.
I learned my resiliency by trial through fire. How did your family learn theirs? What works for you? Tell me about it!
5/31/10
Remembrance
Our first guest blogger is my friend Heather from Purple Platypus Pictures in Ohio. She's an amazing photographer and a great friend of mine. I hope you enjoy her thoughts on Memorial Day from a civilian perspective! Enjoy- Andi
I will be honest... I celebrate Memorial Day by eating hotdogs and cheering that the pool is open. I don't come from a military household. Both of my grandfathers fought in wars (I think) but my Dad didn't, and my Uncle didn't (again... I think?) Obviously veterans, war, armies... all hot topics in my household growing up. So Memorial Day was about... hot dogs... pools... days off of school/work. Only recently, in my adult life, have I started to pay attention to the actual day, and the reasons we get it off of work.
Where am I going with this? I woke up Sunday still in poison ivy agony. Even with the prednizone pills, and the three different anti-itch creams I was taking... I was still itcy. Out of my skin itchy. And the rash was spreading, now to the palms, yes folks the PALMS, of my hands. Then Olivia's eye swelled up again, and after a confirmation phone call to Karen that made it ok for me to go to Urgent Care (ony our third visit to a doctor in two weeks) I headed off for a shot of cortizone. On the way to the Urgent Care, across the street in the fields of Westerville Park, were lines and lines and lines of flags. Because the trip was impromptu, I didn't have my camera. I swore I'd go back when the sun was lower, and the heat less.
The flags made me think of the sacrifices those men and women make for us. The ones that go to war... the ones that stay home. The ones that make it so I can live my life the way I choose. There are 2,000 flags planted in the park, and a recreated Vietnam Veteren wall in the back corner. Each flag has a zip-tied message to them. Some made me cry. I went intending to stay for 15, mabe 20 minutes. I got there at 8pm. I stayed until 10pm. If you live here, you should go see it.
Thank you.
I will be honest... I celebrate Memorial Day by eating hotdogs and cheering that the pool is open. I don't come from a military household. Both of my grandfathers fought in wars (I think) but my Dad didn't, and my Uncle didn't (again... I think?) Obviously veterans, war, armies... all hot topics in my household growing up. So Memorial Day was about... hot dogs... pools... days off of school/work. Only recently, in my adult life, have I started to pay attention to the actual day, and the reasons we get it off of work.
Where am I going with this? I woke up Sunday still in poison ivy agony. Even with the prednizone pills, and the three different anti-itch creams I was taking... I was still itcy. Out of my skin itchy. And the rash was spreading, now to the palms, yes folks the PALMS, of my hands. Then Olivia's eye swelled up again, and after a confirmation phone call to Karen that made it ok for me to go to Urgent Care (ony our third visit to a doctor in two weeks) I headed off for a shot of cortizone. On the way to the Urgent Care, across the street in the fields of Westerville Park, were lines and lines and lines of flags. Because the trip was impromptu, I didn't have my camera. I swore I'd go back when the sun was lower, and the heat less.
The flags made me think of the sacrifices those men and women make for us. The ones that go to war... the ones that stay home. The ones that make it so I can live my life the way I choose. There are 2,000 flags planted in the park, and a recreated Vietnam Veteren wall in the back corner. Each flag has a zip-tied message to them. Some made me cry. I went intending to stay for 15, mabe 20 minutes. I got there at 8pm. I stayed until 10pm. If you live here, you should go see it.
Thank you.
Let's Talk Resources
I'm always on the lookout for good resources.
My family takes on a huge amount of responsibility during deployment with what feels like very little payoff. Something is always breaking, the kids are bored, I'm lonely, the finances change, etc.
So what's a military wife to do?!
We're eligible for all sorts of things: free YMCA membership, free admission to theme parks, online chat forums, in-person support groups. Does anyone find all of that overwhelming?!
I do.
Sometimes I just want to know what the most helpful things are and cut out the rest. In order to do that, I have to put my priorities in order. For me, that's my kids' well-being and our general family resiliency. I've chosen a couple of organizations that do just that to open the discussion up.
Here are my two favorites:
SOAR :
SOAR is an amazing resource that provides free online tutoring (Grades 3-12) and assessment programs for our favorite people...military kids! It also provides a parent forum (all ages) where military parents can discuss relocation and get the skinny on new school systems from other people in our community who have lived there. I cannot say enough good things about this program!
Military One Source:
The hubs and I are stationed at a base geared to Reserves right now, so MilOne has been a lifesaver for us. They offer everything from resource booklets to CDs to kids books to....wait for it....free counseling! That's right....F-R-E-E. What family in our community doesn't love that word?!
What are your favorite perks to mlitary life? I want to hear from you!
My family takes on a huge amount of responsibility during deployment with what feels like very little payoff. Something is always breaking, the kids are bored, I'm lonely, the finances change, etc.
So what's a military wife to do?!
We're eligible for all sorts of things: free YMCA membership, free admission to theme parks, online chat forums, in-person support groups. Does anyone find all of that overwhelming?!
I do.
Sometimes I just want to know what the most helpful things are and cut out the rest. In order to do that, I have to put my priorities in order. For me, that's my kids' well-being and our general family resiliency. I've chosen a couple of organizations that do just that to open the discussion up.
Here are my two favorites:
SOAR :
SOAR is an amazing resource that provides free online tutoring (Grades 3-12) and assessment programs for our favorite people...military kids! It also provides a parent forum (all ages) where military parents can discuss relocation and get the skinny on new school systems from other people in our community who have lived there. I cannot say enough good things about this program!
Military One Source:
The hubs and I are stationed at a base geared to Reserves right now, so MilOne has been a lifesaver for us. They offer everything from resource booklets to CDs to kids books to....wait for it....free counseling! That's right....F-R-E-E. What family in our community doesn't love that word?!
What are your favorite perks to mlitary life? I want to hear from you!
5/30/10
Memorial Day. Right.
I normally don't have any issue with the way people celebrate Memorial Day. When I was a teenager, it was a weekend to spend hanging out with my friends before summer vacation. A break before the break, if you will.
Now that I'm a military wife, however, and I've spent some time delving into my familys military history...
...I find myself disgusted.
Do you ever feel that our fallen heroes are underappreciated? Do you ever feel that vibe of entitlement from people when you're out in public?
I know I do.
Today my hubby and I were in BJ's Wholesale, of all places. We walked by a table where Operation Gratitude was collecting letters from the public to include in care packages for the troops. The goal for this BJ's (at JANAF in Virginia Beach, of all places!) was a leager 300 letters to be written throughout the entire month of May. Today is May 30...and the location only had 150 letters.
ONLY 150!!
This is a military town full of veterans, active duty, reserves and Guard. To have such a pathetic number of people remembering our forward deployed troops was embarrassing.
I sat at the table writing my letter and watching piles of people walking by and not noticing.
The more I sat and watched, the angrier I got.
What is it about being born on American dirt that makes us feel like we have somehow earned the right to have people make the ultimate sacrifice on our behalf? What did we do to earn that?!
The answer: Nothing.
We. Did. Nothing.
And yet there I sat on 'memorial day weekend', watching a military town cruise past the table with their hot dogs and prepackaged hamburgers, paying no attention to the opportunity they were missing. An opportunity to tell a hero what they mean to them, to this country, to our world.
Instead, they passed by, concerned their meat would spoil.
I am sickened. I am angry. I am ashamed.
At the same time, I'm proud. I'm proud to have been in that store with a man who will ignore the entitlement tendencies of those people and go out and fight anyway. A man who says 'Don't hold it against them, they don't understand. They've never been there, or if they have, they've forgotten.'
THAT is a man.
Today I remember the fallen. I know many of you are remembering your heroes as well. Please go ahead and leave their names in the comments...they deserve every mention we can give them. I would love to hear about what kind of people they were, what their jobs were, the reasons they had for doing them. Our community thrives on the heroisms of its members. I hope we can remember them always, not just over a hot dog on one weekend a year.
Here are ours:
Chief Joel Baldwin
Chief Dave Gilbert
Senior Chief Carl McCaughan
Daniel Holdren
Cyrus Holdren
Larry Dale
These were all great men. Some died in combat, some died as a result of combat, some died from illnesses caused by chenicals from combat. Regardless of their situation, they were all what Memorial Day is about.
I'm just grateful that they shattered my entitlement complex. We should all be so lucky.
Now that I'm a military wife, however, and I've spent some time delving into my familys military history...
...I find myself disgusted.
Do you ever feel that our fallen heroes are underappreciated? Do you ever feel that vibe of entitlement from people when you're out in public?
I know I do.
Today my hubby and I were in BJ's Wholesale, of all places. We walked by a table where Operation Gratitude was collecting letters from the public to include in care packages for the troops. The goal for this BJ's (at JANAF in Virginia Beach, of all places!) was a leager 300 letters to be written throughout the entire month of May. Today is May 30...and the location only had 150 letters.
ONLY 150!!
This is a military town full of veterans, active duty, reserves and Guard. To have such a pathetic number of people remembering our forward deployed troops was embarrassing.
I sat at the table writing my letter and watching piles of people walking by and not noticing.
The more I sat and watched, the angrier I got.
What is it about being born on American dirt that makes us feel like we have somehow earned the right to have people make the ultimate sacrifice on our behalf? What did we do to earn that?!
The answer: Nothing.
We. Did. Nothing.
And yet there I sat on 'memorial day weekend', watching a military town cruise past the table with their hot dogs and prepackaged hamburgers, paying no attention to the opportunity they were missing. An opportunity to tell a hero what they mean to them, to this country, to our world.
Instead, they passed by, concerned their meat would spoil.
I am sickened. I am angry. I am ashamed.
At the same time, I'm proud. I'm proud to have been in that store with a man who will ignore the entitlement tendencies of those people and go out and fight anyway. A man who says 'Don't hold it against them, they don't understand. They've never been there, or if they have, they've forgotten.'
THAT is a man.
Today I remember the fallen. I know many of you are remembering your heroes as well. Please go ahead and leave their names in the comments...they deserve every mention we can give them. I would love to hear about what kind of people they were, what their jobs were, the reasons they had for doing them. Our community thrives on the heroisms of its members. I hope we can remember them always, not just over a hot dog on one weekend a year.
Here are ours:
Chief Joel Baldwin
Chief Dave Gilbert
Senior Chief Carl McCaughan
Daniel Holdren
Cyrus Holdren
Larry Dale
These were all great men. Some died in combat, some died as a result of combat, some died from illnesses caused by chenicals from combat. Regardless of their situation, they were all what Memorial Day is about.
I'm just grateful that they shattered my entitlement complex. We should all be so lucky.
5/28/10
Ah, Blogger. I Love You Truly.
Good Morning LLCrazies!
Blogger ate my post from yesterday, so here it is in archived form. I apologize for sual posting, but I didn't want to delete yesterday's entry becasue Team Chappy's comment was so good.
I hope you are all having a great day!
Andi
_____________________________
Good Morning, Lovies!
Today is the first day of the rest of your life...what are you going to do to make it worthwhile?
I try to ask myself this question every day. Sometimes I like my answer- other days it just frustrates me.
As military families, what can we do today to make our presence in this community worthwhile? What can we do to make our voices heard on the issues that really matter?
I'm not talking about who gets to park closest to the door at the Commissary. Not talking about the restrictions on what we can and cannot do in government housing. I'm thinking about our community programs. Our returning warrior programs. Our pre-deployment planning. What can we do to make our military a better place for all of us?
I've found that I get my best ideas for improvement when my husband is deployed. I suppose I think best when I'm having to slug through the red tape and frustration alone. It seems that we collectively slip into hibernation during homeport; the grass is always mowed, the plumbing can be fixed by someone who knows the difference between metric and standard wrench sizes, the kids rarely get sick. It's an almost utopian state for a military family.
Once a deployment sets in, however, we begin to see things from a frazzled, lonely point of view. On top of the frayed edges and lonliness, however, there's this great and overwhelming sense of pride. We're proud of what we do; our toughness, resiliency, effectiveness.
Now picture in your mind the most capable military family you know. Call to mind their ins and outs. What habits do they have? What traditions do they celebrate? Is there anything that makes them a little more able than the rest of us?
I encourage all of you to talk to that family and find out. Pick their brains. Ask the tough questions.
Once that's through, let's all get together and share these ideas. The more resilient we are as a community, the more likely our warriors won't be left behind.
What can YOU do to change our world today?
Loving like crazy in 2010,
Andi
Blogger ate my post from yesterday, so here it is in archived form. I apologize for sual posting, but I didn't want to delete yesterday's entry becasue Team Chappy's comment was so good.
I hope you are all having a great day!
Andi
_____________________________
Good Morning, Lovies!
Today is the first day of the rest of your life...what are you going to do to make it worthwhile?
I try to ask myself this question every day. Sometimes I like my answer- other days it just frustrates me.
As military families, what can we do today to make our presence in this community worthwhile? What can we do to make our voices heard on the issues that really matter?
I'm not talking about who gets to park closest to the door at the Commissary. Not talking about the restrictions on what we can and cannot do in government housing. I'm thinking about our community programs. Our returning warrior programs. Our pre-deployment planning. What can we do to make our military a better place for all of us?
I've found that I get my best ideas for improvement when my husband is deployed. I suppose I think best when I'm having to slug through the red tape and frustration alone. It seems that we collectively slip into hibernation during homeport; the grass is always mowed, the plumbing can be fixed by someone who knows the difference between metric and standard wrench sizes, the kids rarely get sick. It's an almost utopian state for a military family.
Once a deployment sets in, however, we begin to see things from a frazzled, lonely point of view. On top of the frayed edges and lonliness, however, there's this great and overwhelming sense of pride. We're proud of what we do; our toughness, resiliency, effectiveness.
Now picture in your mind the most capable military family you know. Call to mind their ins and outs. What habits do they have? What traditions do they celebrate? Is there anything that makes them a little more able than the rest of us?
I encourage all of you to talk to that family and find out. Pick their brains. Ask the tough questions.
Once that's through, let's all get together and share these ideas. The more resilient we are as a community, the more likely our warriors won't be left behind.
What can YOU do to change our world today?
Loving like crazy in 2010,
Andi
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